Dear Auntie/Uncle Agony,

Sociologist Karl Marx pioneered in the development of the Conflict Theory, which is still an area of study in Sociology today. The Conflict Theory proposes that continual struggles do exist in all different aspects of society. These struggles need not necessarily be of a physically violent nature. Instead, such struggles can be alternatively viewed as the efforts of individuals and/or groups of people trying to protect their own interests and fight for benefits.

It is of no doubt that each and every one of us is living in a competitive society today. Let me provide more background information before I go on to quote my friend’s example to illustrate this competitiveness in a less serious way. According to the Chinese zodiac signs, year 1988 is the year of the Dragon and henceforth, the “perfect” year to have a baby. As such, there is a significant baby boom in the year 1988.

One day, during a casual conversation, my friend brought it up to me about being rather tired of competing for everything in life and here’s what she said: When we were born, I bet we had to compete for places in the hospital nursery. As we grow up, we faced such stiff competition in all aspects of education. Soon, we will have to compete for our jobs. We must be prepared to compete for hospital beds when we’re old and sickly too!

When there is competition, it is highly likely for human beings to have clashing interests. Conflicts arise when human beings compete to protect and try to maximize their personal or group benefits. However, interpersonal conflicts also often arise due to opposing views and values of people, and this following story concerning two of my old friends would perhaps demonstrate this very clearly.

Lucy and Betty have been friends since secondary school. Though they weren’t close, they had no problems communicating and befriending each other. Despite being in different junior colleges, they eventually landed up in the same university. More surprisingly, they ended up being residential hall room-mates even though they had many differences in their personalities and living habits.

While they were cohabitating for a year or so, Lucy had some issues with the living habits of Betty. For example, Betty often left the used butter knife dirty or the Milo cup unwashed after using. As a result, ants manifested and this troubled Lucy, who was rather particular in the overall cleanliness of the room. However, being roomies and “chin-chai” (the hokkien term for easy-going and not fussy), Lucy has decided to let it go and compromise. They still managed to get along pretty well.

They went on fine until this particular day. Hall stay was coming to an end and hall productions had just ended not too long ago. Betty, being part of the organizing committee for this production, called Lucy up, asking for her opinions on the play. Lucy felt the need to be honest when being sought for opinions. As such, she told Betty the good points of the play. In addition to the plus points, she went on to critique on the choice of music for the play and how it could have been better. Betty, being the one in charge of the choice of music for the whole play, flew into a rage after hearing that comment.

Betty, being a perfectionist and a girl with especially high confidence levels (or should I say egoistic), found criticism hard to accept, especially so when it came from someone she has been living and communicating with. As such, she stopped all forms of communication with Lucy. She even blogged a post directing at Lucy about how much Lucy has hurt her with her comments and she was glad that she would not have to see Lucy for the whole of the next semester at the very least. Lucy, having read the post and knew that it was directed at her, did not take any action to make up with Betty since she had already apologized for her seemingly harsh comments.

As of today, Lucy and Betty are still not on talking terms. This is getting a little disturbing for their fellow old friends (another girl and I) when it comes to arranging meet-ups. We always have to organize two separate outings just because Lucy and Betty cannot get along anymore.

However, being an old friend of theirs, I would very much want to see them talking and be friends again. But until now, I have no idea on how to go about doing so.

So my dear auntie(s) and/or uncle(s) agony of ES2007S, what are some of the possible solutions to resolve this conflict of mine?

[Edited Monday 31st August 11pm]

So, why effective communication?

“Speak Well, Be Understood” – Singapore’s Speak Good English Movement (SGEM)

Indeed, in order to be understood by people around me, I have to first communicate my ideas effectively. That is also the reason why I see effective communication as an essential life skill to master – because communication is important in so many ways!

For one, strong bonds are not forged overnight. It has to go through many stages and communication is a very important part in developing and maintaining good relationships with people. Being the only child, I value my family more than anything else in the world. As such, I make an effort to make sure I have dinner with my parents at least twice a week no matter how busy I am. Constant updating about each other’s lives can certainly help to bring the parent-child understanding to a higher level. And in order for both parties to update each other, communication must take place. (Edited)


Communication also displays its importance in my friendships and relationship. I believe that being able to communicate effectively with friends will strengthen our friendship as my friends would then be able to relate to my experiences and get to know me a lot better. Moreover, communication is so essential in keeping a relationship going. Trust and understanding are two very important aspects in maintaining a stable relationship and both use communication as a platform.

Lastly, effective communication is crucial in understanding people from all walks of life and allowing them to open up to you. Being a volunteer under the NUS Students’ Community Service Club, I give voluntary tuition at a children’s home every Wednesday evening, and perhaps this story of mine would further illustrate how communication works wonders:

Close to a year ago, I started volunteering at this children’s home. A primary 4 girl (I apologise for not being able to write down her name as the identities of the kids are to be protected) was attached to me as my tutee. Despite spending 2 and a half hours with her each week, I only left a vague impression in her memory as her volunteer and each week I had to find her in a group of young girls to get to her and re-introducing myself to her. As such, both of us discussed on the best way for her to remember me and I was the “jie-jie” (jie-jie means sister in Mandarin) with long hair and has metals on her teeth (those were braces and I happened to be the only one with braces and long hair then). However, what I didn't expect was the fact that her vague impression of me was going to change for the better with the use of appropriate communication. (Edited)
 
As her attention span is relatively short, I tried to make our sessions interesting by playing games with her. Whenever she loses the game, she has to finish a mathematics problem. And this not only greatly enhanced the learning process; it has also indirectly built up a relationship between the both of us. Today, whenever I arrive at the home every Wednesday evening, I see a small hand waving enthusiastically at me accompanied by a broad smile on her face while calling out for me. Such a gesture signalled to me that she was more than prepared for more games, for more interesting school updates to be shared with me, and so was I. What's more? She remembers me.

So there you have it, verbal and non-verbal communication has contributed a lot to my personal development & relationships with the people around me. Communication is an art, and I hope to become a skilled artist.

Edited: Monday August 24th, 9:32PM.